Living in the public eye has become a spiritual practice for me. I’m a huge believer in karma and I have no doubt each false story I read about myself comes from indulging in other peoples’ lives in order to supply content for my job. Over the last year, my goal has been to always be funny with a side of inspiration, yet I have found myself being molded to be something I’m not. I don’t feel good about gossiping. I’m not even good at it, but when I started at “The View,” I knew I had a job that required some of it. If you look back at my previous 18 years of work, I made sure my humor was always self-deprecating. I’ve written numerous books about my struggles, my fears, my joys and have always tried to be as honest as possible about myself because being an open book is much easier than hiding secrets. Plus, I don’t have to hurt anyone’s feelings because I’m making fun of me.
Throughout this past year, I’ve had to move out of my comfort zone and point the finger toward other people. Truthfully, my stomach would turn worrying that the information I was presenting might not be accurate. There have been so many inaccurate stories about me and it made me nauseous to think that I could be igniting a shitstorm that was not true in someone else’s life. So, I turned to jokes most of the time. To me, jokes seemed far less harmful. I convinced myself that I would much rather have a joke told about me then a lie, so I took that belief system and applied it to my work. Honestly, I’m still trying to hold onto that belief system so I can continue to work.
However, something happened last week that made me wake up and consider how I should be more mindful of my jokes. It’s one thing to say something “funny,” but then to turn around and be a hypocrite is another thing. I told a joke about Hillary Clinton — the topic was Bill Clinton and his alleged mistress nicknamed the “Energizer.” An upcoming book claims this mistress would see Bill on a regular basis and I made the joke that Bill has girlfriends and so does Hillary. The audience laughed and we moved on.
Then a few topics later, we talked about a female CEO not helping other women in her workplace and my spiritual side felt excited to get out my personal mission statement about “girl code.” I stated that we women need to look out for one another. That we need to stop ripping on each other and empower one another. This is something that is very important to me and I hold so close to my heart. That night, as I lay in bed and reflected on my day, I realized I was a hypocrite. How could I make a joke like that and then five minutes later preach about female empowerment? It makes me sad when I see women ripping on other women, and there I was making a joke about our possible first female president!
I recently sent out a tweet shaming a tabloid for spreading a false story about my cousin and me. I was amazed that one day they could write something wonderful and the following day spew hurtful lies. Except today I realized I am no better than they are. Shame on me, too. If we are all reflections of what we see, today I saw the hypocrite in me.
I am a work in progress. I hope you will be patient with me as I continue to figure myself out and grow to be the example of female empowerment I always intend to be.
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